It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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邮票收藏价格表世界上第一枚邮票猴年邮票邮票市场南京文交所钱币邮票交易中心邮票收藏价格表邮票收藏价格表文革邮票邮票中国邮票这个世界由三种基本粒子构成,分别对应了勤勉、博广和睿智。人类的灵魂自然也是由它们承载。在宇宙形成过程中,基本粒子产生了各种律动,是人类情感产生的源泉。不同的情感对应了不同的律动奥义,主角带你领悟不同的律动奥义……我们就是一群游戏玩家。操纵一个角色在生活里打打杀杀。谁说那只是游戏呢?每一个角色后面,都有一个认真的灵魂。喜怒哀乐尝遍,却不改初衷。修炼界流传着只要跟沈于安成为朋友便会被他给带歪。 只因他满口的歪道理,而你会在不知不觉间认同他的道理,甚至是对他所说出的每一个道理都近乎于疯狂的崇拜,病态的崇拜。 他的歪道理甚至是能够帮助他人顿悟。 直到有一天沈于安告诉世人其实不需要苦修就能提升修为,这让人一听不就是妥妥的歪理吗? 众修士:“不苦修怎能提升修为?” 沈于安:“那你们用过我研究出来的道具没?” 众修士:“什么玩意?” 沈于安:“都是一群土鳖。” 众修士:??(◣д◢)?? 本书又叫:(思想不端正,歪理来矫正) 本书又叫:(本公子有一口流利的歪道理) 本书又叫:(沈大公子的歪道理满天飞) 本书又叫:(我的歪道理是用来引导人的) 本书又叫:(异界大哲学家,大道具师) 本书又叫:(唯我沈大公子的歪理能通神) 未来,科技崛起的时代遇上了灵力复苏,以及伴随而来的异兽危机…… 掌控灵力的修士、持有科技力量的执权者、以及拥有强悍体质的异兽,三顾势力在无数年的战争中,相互制约,竟达到了平衡…… 然而,在这个世界的角落,钟离,一个落魄的少年,在一座小城,收养了五个流浪的孤儿,在这个世界艰难的生存…… 一场意外的到来,使钟离与自己收养的五个孩子分开,等到钟离重新回到住所,五人已不见了踪迹,为了寻回五人,钟离在这个复杂的世界上,踏上了寻找的道路……网瘾少年林徉魂穿大武朝,凭借着网上冲浪的经历纵横武朝! 造纸?我会古法造纸; 赶海?这个季节的沙滩有很多花旦蟹; 行医?脸上出现蜘蛛斑,一抹无痕。 …… 陈二狗前半辈子是个傻子,现实生活中的树先生,直到有一天,他得到了阴司的传承,成为了桃源村的土地神,掌一方土地造化。 从此,在他的地盘里,天材地宝,全都躲不过他的眼睛。养鱼建厂,盖房修路,他带着大伙一起发家致富。 只不过,他做事不太讲道理,渐渐的被人称为刁民。而从前被人人嫌弃的大傻子,也慢慢成为了众多美女,争相取悦讨好的香饽饽。 农村小伙秦天继承太乙神针,身怀失传古医术,被誉为一代天医, 从此他时来运转,纵横天下。  “神医,首富已经在门外等了你几个小时了,什么时候给他看病?”   秦天躺靠美人怀,摆摆手说道:“让他等着……”陆冲穿越到与母星似是而非的高武蓝星,觉醒武功自动修炼系统。 纳气诀三百六十五天不间断修炼,修为没有瓶颈; 开碑手知耻后勇,修炼速度翻倍,突破到大成; 金钟罩觉得自己还能抢救,自行推演成为神级武学…… 全球进化,异兽复苏,都是我的菜; 外星文明即将入侵,倒计时十年,请准备迎接; 神明百年后降临,届时将奴役蓝星…… 蓝星只是一级文明? 外星异族:谁说的,站出来试试! 万族入侵,华夏禁行!或许有一天,当你踮起脚尖的时候,你会发现世界都变得广阔了一些。为何习武?因为世道不公,我有一把刀,一刀扭正这世道! 为何又修仙?因为天不公,人心不公,我有大神通,扭正天地人心! 为何还叛仙?因为仙不及魔豪迈,我成帝位,三千大世界便再无仙无魔,皆是吾臣民! 为何守御三千大世界?因为她,她邀我相聚黄花下。
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